My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
