I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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