How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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