Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
