I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
