New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
