I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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