So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
