I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
