A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize