I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize