yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
