Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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