When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
