Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pants are for mortals
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