Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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