WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
