He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
