dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
