wanna go halves on a baby?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
