you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
