so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize