I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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