I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
