Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
