overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize