I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
