this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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