piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
