1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
