we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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