After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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