i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
