Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
