Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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