Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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