fuck your aforementioned shoe
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
