this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
