the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
