Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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