really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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