I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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