he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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