we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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