Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
