So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
