Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
whose parrot is this?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize