Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
