; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
