My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
