i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i believe in u and ur pee
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
