you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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