overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
