I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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