it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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