I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
