quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
