he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
