he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
