she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
