so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize