perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
