so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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