How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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