I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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