my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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