maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
