Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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