you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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