it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
