$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
